Tuesday, 20 March 2012

A Mother of Sons

In it's short career my womb has grown two babies. Each time before conception, the boy sperm (better sprinters) rose early and erected signs outside my cervix in order to confound and distract the girl sperm and so give the boy sperm the upper hand.

I recently swapped posts for 'Leap Blog Day' with Skwishee from 'Just a Mum' (with a U). In my guest post I imagined I spent the day playing with her little girls.
I suggested a very attractive sum of money in exchange for her daughters (one daughter would do) but she hasn't responded. Maybe she thinks I'm kidding.

Don't get me wrong - I do like boys.
They aren't bitchy - they have their say and then get over it (I remember not speaking to my father for a week after a row that he'd forgotten the next day). I've had to learn to drop things - plates, cups and issues.

They like to do really cool stuff like climbing, camping and sand boarding. I've so enjoyed doing boy stuff with them...

It's kept me fit and strong and young...ish.

In the past I have considered that my womb could have been fem free because the god/s are punishing me for a travesty I committed in my youth. I'm being denied the pleasure of braiding, teaching the front to back wipe and how to insert a tampon because I stole a road sign at eleven, shoplifted at thirteen, lied about my age to drink in hotels with my big sister at fourteen and started a long and illustrious career in wagging mass at fifteen.
I console myself with thoughts that I repeat to those who look at me with pity when I answer their question of offspring...
'Yep - two boys, but that's okay - goodness! I really wouldn't know what to do with a girl if one was offered me!'

Although I sometimes feel like...

a bottle of detergent in a sea of sausage

I'm glad now because boys suit me and I kind of enjoy being a rare thing in my house. They might try to put me in the dumb blonde corner sometimes but I mostly have the feeling that my opinion matters to these males who need us females even though they don't like to admit it, but I still wonder sometimes what my girl child would have been like had I spawned one...

I see myself and my mini me shopping (yuck!) for girl stuff (whatever that is) on a Saturday morning and stopping for coffee and fat free cake (yuck) at Glorious Beans. We'd titter and bitch about the waitress whilst browsing Vogue and Girlfriend (yuck).

But in reality we'd probably hate each other.
When she's little she'd like frilly pink dresses (blah) that no self respecting tree climber would put on their muscular toned body.
As a teenager she'd be out an out there, strong, and sexy young woman who thinks her mother should be covered in a black sheet in the corner of the lounge room or stuffed in a rag bag at an opportunity shop.
She'd be pretty and check her reflection in every passing window and hate the things I love - bush walking, camping and art.

She would be my nemesis.

That's me - on the right.



  1. I think our children in general are our greatest loves, and also our greatest nemesis. No matter the sex.
    I have both. I feel the love of a Mama's boy, and I get the enjoyment of braiding hair.

    But behind all of the actions, is just family. Us doing the best we can, and hoping they (and us) are all gonna turn out o.k. So in that aspect, we are all united whether mothers of sons or mothers of daughters. I feel ya though. I had visions of how my 'mother / daughter' relationship was going to be, and sometimes it is, but WHOA, sometimes it IS NOT!!!!

    F.Y.I., if Skwishee does not take you up on your offer, I do have 3 girls. 15, 13 and 5. I could send you a resume for each ;)

    1. I'll have the five year old - no questions, but can I give her back at 12 for eight years?

  2. I'm STILL not getting your posts in my reader. :/ I'm having the same problem with another blog. Now I feel all annoyed and excluded. Off I go to catch up...

    I laughed at that last picture. I could only imagine! (Honestly, I want a baby. Any baby at all. Really. Please? But if I could choose...I think I'd want a boy.)

    1. No one is getting my posts in their reader, I feel like aaaarrrrggghhhh. Trying to find someone - anyone to help with the problem is suffocatingly infuriatingly (a word that's so strong it hasn't been invented yet).
      Boys are fantastic - have one now or borrow one from the child library.

    2. Oh, I'm trying, I'm trying. We've been trying for two years now. It will happen...eventually. I hope.

      I think part of the problem is that blogger switched from .com addresses to country addresses (.ca, .au, etc)

    3. I wish you well with the baby thing. Borrowing isn't such a bad idea in the meantime. I used to borrow my sister's children, I sang all night to her two year old girl whilst she was in hospital having the child's sister - it was the only thing that would stop her crying (it must've terrified her - the singing I mean).

  3. Yea! Your latest article is now showing up on my reading list on my blog web page! Hopefully the changes you made are transparent to the links people already have in place, whereas I have already gone through the process of reconfiguring my readlist. I hope that makes sense!

    1. Yay - I'm back! Thank you Esbboston for checking out your end, you are very thoughtful.

  4. Julie, I'm wasn't getting any of your posts either, until 5 minutes ago, when 5 showed up all at once.

    Problems started when Blogger started the whole country specific URL thing.
    And I thought you'd gone and left us!

    1. I didn't know Blogger was doing something with URLs. it seemed like I was the only one gone AWOL. My blog is going through my .com name now, actually maybe that fixed it.

  5. Hey Julie - I think you may have fixed the problem, as I just had your past 5 posts show up in my reader... yay!

    As for the girls: I might do a lending thing, but in the long run, I am kind of fond of my girls, and probably couldn't give them up altogether. (Even though they are already smarter than me, and are only going to get more and more gorgeous as I get more decrepit.)

  6. Yay Skwishee I'm back.
    Borrowing the girls would suit me but I it's so far, they would arrive crumpled and cranky.
    I'll just have to keep hanging around the school yards drooling.

  7. My boys, so far, have been so much easier than the girls (although all of them have taken their turns having their moments of being difficult or challenging). I don't know if it is because she came after two boys- but Annalee aka Princess Commando has always been much more adventurous and prone to pitfalls of danger than her brothers were. Perhaps it comes from needing to assert herself among her older brothers. She never really wanted to do super girly things like take dance lessons or play with dolls although she has learned to assimilate among girls and boys equally seamlessly. Then The Baby came along and while she has an intense fascination with sparkly shoes, she is 100 times more dangerous and adventurous and filled with dramatics than her sister ever was.

    1. I like the sound of your girls, hmm sequined climbing shoes?
      You never know what you're gonna get. One of my sisters used to be my brother. This was very difficult for my mum but my 'new' sister is really enjoying her new life and is so happy now and more girly than me.

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  9. When my daughter was 13 she hung out with boys exclusively, some of them older than she was . Concerned father was worried she might find herself in (euphemism) "moral danger." She met my concern with this : " Girls are bitchy , act like your friend but aren't really. But boys are dumb , you can see right through them." I was reassured. She's 25 now , with 2 offspring - both boys.

    1. Nice to meet you today Derek :) we must draw again!
      Love the simplicity and clarity of your daughter's observations. I think she might be onto something...

  10. How did I miss this one??? And yes. I'm with you. Except my girls would be freakishly tall and blame me. Because the mother gets blamed for EVERYTHING.


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