Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Smalls

I have three new followers since my last post...
Welcome to Kraken Kraken, JR at The Concoctions of My Life who left a lovely comment on 'The Nose Pickers'  post and The Queen Bee. How are your smalls drawers?

My smalls drawer is groaning with a full belly and breaking it has so much content. Why then, I ask myself suspiciously, do I have so much trouble finding a pair of underpants when I need them? But my smalls drawer has become the dumping ground for other small things and, Like my handbag, when I am looking for something in it I lose my patience and tip the contents on the floor - the better to wade through the wasteland of spent elastic and shredded cotton.

With determination set in my shoulders I grab the drawer with both hands and pull but the bottom of the drawer is stuck, pushed down onto the top of the one below as if there is an muscly undergarment troll in there holding it shut with an anguished grin on her face. Not to be beaten I take both drawers out in one go and then put the one below back. I carry the offending drawer full of smalls to the bed and tip it out, the undergarment troll, muttering obscenities, runs for the wardrobe.

Keep your smalls drawer up to date or undertrolls move in

Five years of nether region bits and pieces lay strewn on the coverlet, broken and beaten. Bras with bent wires, stretched straps and holey cups. Underpants with less stretch than last nights spaghetti. I sort through the pile of rags and find there's not a lot there that anyone with a shred of self worth would be seen dead in.

When I was single my undergarments were much more pleasing to the eye but then more eyes were pleased to see them. I needed less support then and got a lot more. I sort through the stuff like a archeologist on a dig not wanting to break anything that could be of historical significance, besides, bras can be dangerous things - as anyone who has experienced the pain of an escaped wire over brunch can attest to.

Bras can be dangerous.

Post collation I have three days worth of decent stuff and the rest is stand by only. After putting the few wearable items back in the drawer and the scary unwearables in a bag for the bin I'm left with other stuff on the floor. There's a bar of soap, a flannel, one ankle length stocking, half a dozen pairs of loose sports socks, a dozen handkerchiefs, a pen knife, a bath bomb and a toy Japanese fan I had stashed in there thinking it would be handy to carry in my handbag for hot flushes. - but who wants every one in town to know that you're menopausal? 'cause no-one else would fan themselves in the middle of winter.

Next to shoes, bras have to be the worst things ever to shop for but I resolve to spend some time doing just that - sometime.
^^
=*=

12 comments:

  1. Julie, how poetic you make old knackered underwear sound.

    As a singleton, my sexy undies are now only fit for use as chamois leather, as I inch my once tiny frame into a pair of 'big mama knickers.' You know the ones the reach past your waist and up to your boobs? Good god, I'm getting old!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm, yes I know the ones you mean. I'm wearing a pair of knickers my mother in law bought for herself just before she died - how sad is that? Lazy. I'd rather wear my mother in law's undies than go shopping.

      Delete
  2. I got poked with an escaped underwire during an exam once - it's very hard to concentrate with that sort of thing going on.

    Ugh... I need to do a clear out soon. Not just with the underwear drawer, but all of them. I can barely open them, yet I only wear the top three or four things in each one. Actually, my kitchen cupboards could also use a purge. And the front hallway is overflowing...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He he he - yes it is hard to concentrate with that sort of thing going on.
      A house fire is sometimes a blessing.

      Delete
  3. We can send a man to the moon, but we can't halt underwire malfunctions. NASA is a big waste of money if you ask me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bloody oath Marianne - you hit it right on the head with that comment!

      Delete
  4. "Five years of nether region bits and pieces lay strewn on the coverlet" HAHAHA made me snort.

    My best friend made me go through my smalls drawer a few weeks back...the things she found in there - and demanded be destroyed - were not pretty. Panties with holes in the delicates, panties that could fit around a spaceship, lethal lone under-wires, pencils...I think you should start a poll and make people take photos of the worst smalls drawer content...HAH! I love that idea, I would totally be up for dual-blogging about it. :)

    p.s. consider yourself followed :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Eke, cool to have you here with or without delicate delicates! What's a pencil doing in your smalls?

      Delete
  5. Awesome post I giggled reading it! I keep my extra checks and odd sentimental knickknacks in my smalls drawer. I wonder what the undergarment trolls think of my odd ways. I'm not sure when and why I started that habit but I've done it for a long time. Strange but true!
    I love your blog!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It seems a really common thing to put weird small things in your smalls drawer. I've even trained my boys to do it...

      Delete

hi! don't be frightened, please leave a comment.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...