Snow White was an alcoholic.
She was drunk as a skunk the day the woodcutter took her into the forest.
The seven dwarfs were on their way home from tending their dope crop when they found her under a bush singing Halleluiah.
The dwarfs took her in and helped her dry out but her evil step mother disguised as a beauty consultant came by when they were out harvesting. She happened to have a crate of apple cider with her and it was a hot day. Snow White fell into a magic drunken sleep after only six bottles...
Snow White was history - after all, what prince in his right mind would kiss a paralytic house cleaner with seven husbands let alone marry her?
When Snow White came round she just said 'Whatever" - she had grass to last and a man for every day of the week!