Tuesday, 6 December 2011

In the Lap of the Gods


People don't use this expression much anymore.
When something too big to handle came along and was beyond our control or responsibility that's where it used to go.
'Ah - it's in the Lap of the Gods now my love'

All the things we worry about could go there too -
all those little niggling self doubts and bad cakes, all the terrible things that might happen or might not, everything we don't want to think about and wish someone else would take care of - right there, in the Lap of the Gods.

You wouldn't hear people say the Lap of God singular would you? I can imagine some of you - those down the back there - saying out of your bright smiley mouths, 'that's because our God's TOO BUSY and is never sitting down long enough to even HAVE A LAP nyeh nyeh!'

The Lap of the Gods would be a crowded place, full of some scary things and some nice things.

There would be good things like hearts and good news letters, football games and sunshine.
And some bad things like train wrecks and plane crashes, hurricanes and volcanoes.

Maybe the lap of the Gods got so full They couldn't even get up for a cup of tea. Someone else - another God who was TOO BUSY TO SIT DOWN LONG ENOUGH TO HAVE A LAP got Them a cup of tea...got Them lots of cups of teas...
The Gods tried and tried to stay put looking after all those things in Their lap - sorting them out, making decisions, putting the things in baskets next to Them when They were finished with each one...but They couldn't stand the pressure on Their bladder any longer and had to go!

They wet Themselves and there was a great flood!
All the things in Their lap were washed away onto the earth.
Then there was a huge bun fight...

All the gods were thoroughly pissed off with God and wanted to whack Him, but they were feeling tired, soooo...very...very...tired...soooo....sleepy.....

They realized too late that God had put something in Their tea and there was nothing...They...could do...about...it....

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